


Just Before the Dawn

by Shinenteen



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: After Life, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coupzi, Disease, Jicheol, M/M, Mention of Meanie, Slight fluff?, but still angst, i just love jicheol so much, what's this?, woocoup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 20:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14409996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinenteen/pseuds/Shinenteen
Summary: He look at the stars with a bottle of champagne in hand.He grip into the photo so hard. A pool is in his eyes.He let it all out, embracing the cold alone.He tears himself apart, everytime the twilight comes,Just before the dawn.--------------------Jihoon just love Seungcheol so much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is cross-posted in AFF and probably most of my works. Enjoy reading :)

“Good Morning Baby”  He greeted brightly as he open and enter the clear tiny room. 

He pecked  him on his left cheek and smiled bitterly. 

He is asleep. 

At least peacefully.  He thought. 

He walk to the other side of the room fixing the messy center table he had left, then prepare the food he had brought in his way. 

A knock disturbed the silence and the door flew open.  A boy wearing a plain white clothing peeked and entered the small room with a tray held in both of his hands. 

He gave him a faint smile as if encouraging him to come in. 

It is Mingyu. The same nurse who is with them for their 9 months  stay in the hospital. 

“hyung, It’s time for his shots. “ The nurse smiled at him.

For the past months,  he grew fond of the said guy.

He just nodded and finished what he was doing and then stand beside the lying figure set in the center of the room.

Mingyu shot needles at the boy after another.   
He eyed skillfully averted his gaze from the long needles waiting to be penetrated inside the boy’s body.

9 months and he still not used to see the long needles he didn't sure if serves as a poison or a cure. 

He turned to his face. His handsome sleeping face. Starting from his thick brows down to his long lashes and pointed nose to his pale but soft lips.    
He bit his bottom lips, feeling his body weakening.   
Pain is visible to the features that he used to admire.   
His skin is as pale as paper and his body is as thin as broom.  He is full of bruises that they do not even know where it came from. 

Jihoon knows that Seungcheol’s body has gotten weaker, day after day. 

His eyes started to water from what he is seeing.   
A boy he loves the most,  lying in a bed, almost lifeless.  

He felt a pang in his chest. He felt like dying seeing him in his current state. 

“Don’t worry, Jihoonie hyung. He is fighting for you. He won't let you down.“  Mingyu smiled at him and leave the room after he gave Seungcheol countless of shots.    
The tears that he was holding back finally come running out from his eyes.  He placed his hand on his mouth preventing the cries. 

He is fighting for you. 

A small paonful sob escaped his lips despite his mouth being covered tightly. 

He wants Seungcheol to fight his sickness but it pains him to see the boy struggling to live just to be with him. 

Am I worth it? Am I worth his pains?   
Why is the world being this unfair?

Can’t they be together and live happily just like the others?  

What have they done wrong to deserve the struggles they are fighting?  

Why does the world have to be this cruel?   
If only I could take all his pain away.   
If only I can heal his wounds so that he wouldn't have to suffer from the pain. 

“Ji.Baby, are you crying?” He turned around when Seungcheol's when the weak voice reached his ears.  He wiped the tears streaming down his face and turned to look at the boy again,  now concern, eyeing him. 

“no, no, why would I cry?” he faked a chuckle and sit in the chair beside the bed. 

I fucking cry everytime you're asleep.  

The boy arched his back to indicate he wants to sit. He obliged and maneuvered the bed for Seungcheol. 

God, he's so thin! 

“You are crying. Why baby? Did something happened?”  the weak boy asked him again.

Jihoon knows seungcheol very well and he also knows he that he wouldn’t drop the topic until he got an answer. 

An answer that kills him.  
An answer that he is not yet ready to give. 

“It just that, I missed you” He answered not being able to help his sobs.

At least he is not lying. 

He breahted hard and Countless sobs finally escaped. 

He couldn’t help it.

"I just missed you so much.  I miss the times we're lying in our bed, cuddling first thing the morning. I miss the times that we were happily walking on a park or eating the food you cooked deliciously. I miss staying up all night with you to wait for the sun to rise and then we’re going to wish to the stars up in the sky. I miss the afternoon jamming and making songs with you. I miss the late night travel. I miss the sun. I miss the breeze. I miss sharing everyday with you. I miss the times. Those times. I miss the times that you haven’t got that stupid leukemia that is slowly killing you. I miss you being strong. I miss the lively Seungcheol. I miss you. ” He said in a painful voice, managing his painful sobs.   
His heart is burning . 

He never really voiced out how he feels, but that moment, he feels like he has to let out what he really felt even once.  Because if he won't,  he wouldn't manage to be tough for both of them. He is just a glass waiting to be broken. Cause he knows,  without the older,  he's all nothing. 

He felt a cupping his face, wiping his tears.   
He looked at him and his pain doubles as he saw tears in the older cheeks. 

“shh. I those too. Shh. I'm sorry Ji. I have promised you, I'll never make you cry. I am very sorry I'm hurting you, that I end up being sick. I am very sorry. But do not worry, I will be fine and we will walk on a park hand by hand once I overcome this. We will see the twilight again. I’ll fight harder. I don’t want to see you cry baby. I will be better I promise." He gave me his million dollar gummy smile.  Determined to overcome the odd. 

"Now smile.” he held the younger's chin and lifted it.

His voice is soft and gentle like always but it has the pain and exhaustion hidden underneath. 

The exhaustion that is bothering him these past few weeks. 

He nodded as he feels something in his forehead. Seungcheol grab him for a hug and kissed his temple. A simple sweet gesture from the only man he loves. 

It supposed to make Jihoon feel better but he knew that Seungcheol is fighting for a battle he knew nothing about.  They are fighting for a battle they knew they can’t out stand.  
But he know Seuncheol will fight for his life when Jihoon tells him to do so. He will fight because it is what Jihoon wants.

It has always been for him.

Whatever he do, he does it for Jihoon. 

A flashback of their past visited his brain.  He suddenly remembers the first time they saw each other. That one fateful meeting that has changed his entire life.  When he was still 13 and weak. 

It was  summer season months after they moved into their new house.                        

Jihoon was crying in the park because his parents were fighting again. Yelling at each other and breaking the plates they have in their kitchen.    He was really traumatized when his father landed a fist on his face so to avoid being beaten, every time his parents get into fights, he will run to the park and will just silently cry. Praying and hoping. The children were not helping either. Bullying him because of being smaller than the normal teenager,  not to mention that he is also shy and quiet. He never got the confidence to fight back and will just cry in one corner. 

When his father left home, leaving just him and his mother for another woman, he was devastated. He cried in the park and the kids made fun of him, throwing him stones and things, pushing him but he can’t do anything but let them.

That’s how weak he was. 

Then there’s Seungcheol who came into his life.    
Like a hero, he saved Jihoon.   
He wooed the children away from him and scared them.

Offered him ice cream so he will feel better and bought a band aid for his wounds to heal. Cheering him up, giving him life. 

Just like that, they clicked. 

Seungcheol is always the gentle boy and the kind one.  The friendly, funny and aaffectionate. He is that one kid others what to get closed with. 

He was the strong type while he was the weak.

Seungcheol let out the confidence he never thought he has, taught him everything and let him enjoy what the world has to offer.  

He gave Jihoon every bit of happiness. He was there when he was depressed.He was there when he needed him.  He listened to him when he wants to be heard. He speaks when he wants to listen. And when he confessed his feelings that day they stayed up late to watch the sun rise,  and when he learned that the other feels the same way towards him, he couldn’t be happier in his life. 

They are best friends and so as lovers. 

Seungcheol fought the odds just to be with him.  

Seungcheol will do everything for him even if it costs him his life and that’s what pains him. 

He has never done anything big for seungcheol. It was he who is always receiving while the other gives. 

He is the one who sacrifices for his sake.  
He chose Jihoon over his family.  
He chose Jihoon over everything.   
And Jihoon will never be Jihoon without him.   
Jihoon can never afford to lose him.  

He is his everything. 

“I will fight for us. I will fight for you Ji. Don’t cry. I love you Jihoonnie. So, so much.” he rested Jihoon’s head in his now thin chest and fondles his soft black hair.

Seungcheol loves him so much and so did he. 

“I love you too, Cheol-ah. I’ll always will” 

And I do not think I am worth the pain.    
I am not worth your struggles.   
I love you so much that I want you to just surrender and take a rest even if it kills me.  
I love you that I am willing to let you go just to make the pain go away.  
I love you so so much that I just want you to stop breathing.    
I love you to the point that I can risk everything to make the pain go away even it costs me my happiness.  
I am so into you Choi Seungcheol and it so fucking hurts to see you struggling.   
I badly want to be with you and it hurts me to see you dying everyday just to be with me.   
I wanna say these things to him but I could not because deep inside me, I know.  
I know that I cannot send him away and lose him forever.  
I know he is the only one I need.      
I know i need him in order for me to live and go on.                            
I want to be with him for the rest of my life.  
I know that I am selfish because I am so in love with him.   
I am so in love that I can’t let him go.             
 I am so in love that I am afraid to free him.   
I am so smitten that I can not breathe.           
I love him so much that I became selfish.                  
\-----

Everyday becomes a torture for Jihoon.

Living inside the hospital for almost a year witnessing the love of his life grow weaker is enough to make him feel like dying too.

Same routine and doings every day.

But today’s different.

He  knows it is going to be different.

Seungcheol is much livelier today than any days that had passed in their 9 months stay in the hospital.

“Jihoonie, I am the most handsome namja (man/boy) you have ever met, right?” Seungcheol asked Jihoon with a cute face. Hands position flower after his chin.  He also pouted.

They are watching a movie in Jihoon's laptop but Seungcheol likes to be random at times. 

Jihoon chuckled.  “Of course, Cheol.”    
and that wasn’t a lie.

Seungcheol’s face is the best face he he has ever seen and he wishes to see it everyday in his life. 

“and you are the most beautiful man I have ever loved. You are the first and last love I am going to have, Ji.  I am very happy I met you that day in the park” He said sincerely to Jihoon while his eyes glowing with fire and love. 

It makes his heart flutter and because of the raging excitement he hugged Seungcheol and cried.

It is rare to have a sweet talk between him and Seungcheol. Jihoon's not the type that will initiate skinships and he hates to be cheesy but now, he only felt the sincerity and the burning love he has for the older boy. 

They hugged for almost a minute until Seungcheol spoke.

“I want to go outside. Ji” He said.  It startled him.

"Now?" Jihoon broke the hug and looked at him.  

This is the first time Cheol wants to go outside. He is usually lazy to go even when he was not sick. They're the type who would rather spend their entire time messing with each other.  

Jihoon glanced at his watch, 1:21 AM. At this hour, Seungcheol is usually asleep but Jihoon didn’t know what's gotten into him.  It is very late. And patients aren’t allowed to wander around the hospital at this hour.  

He hesitated at first but when he looked at Seungcheol, with that pleading eyes and pouty lips he has in his thin face, He wont be able to resist, He knows he have to obliged. 

“Okay. I’ll just get a wheelchair.”  He said then stand to go grab a wheelchair. There's no way he could carry Seungcheol even if the latter is not sick. 

He knew it is bad for Seungcheol’s health but he can not really take away the happiness lies in Seungcheol’s eyes. 

And maybe i needed this too.  He thought to himself. 

 

“What is this?” Jihoon asked Seungcheol in awe the moment they entered the rooftop of the hospital building. 

He wasn’t surprise that the outside Seungcheol was talking about is the rooftop.The boy always love the rooftop. It is his healing place according to him. What surprised him is what’s in the rooftop.

“Surprise?” Cheol replied looking at Jihoon’s face. His dimple showing as he gave his lips a curve. He is sitting on a wheelchair that Jihoon had managed to barrow.

Jihoon bit his lip because he appreciated

Seungcheol’s effort and the last thing he wanted is to just cry.

He gave Seungcheol a peck in the lips before he muttered thank you.

Seungheol is hell damn especial. 

They proceeded to the thing Seungcheol had prepared. A picnic under the moonlight with a thousand of stars glazing up there in highs. There are also pillows scattered on the blanket.  

He helped Seungcheol to sit on the blanket lying on the floor and sat down beside him. 

When they finally settled, Jihoon looked up the sky, still feeling awed that it was clear and full of stars.

“Do you like it so much that you cant even look at me?” Seungcheol asked him jealously.  
He just smiled at him.

No matter how beautiful the sky is, He will still choose Seungcheol’s face over the most beautiful scenery that the world would give him.  Seungcheol is enough for him. More than enough. 

They spent the first hours in the rooftop eating quietly but comfortably, after all no words needed for both of them to show how especial they are for each other.   
The foods are delicious.   
Seungcheol’s arms wrapped around Jihoon's is the best feeling in the world. Jihoon thought.  
Everything is perfect.  A date in a rooftop,

Seungcheol’s kiss, the sky, the stars and even the moonlight. It is all healing. How he wished he could stop the time. That time,  Jihoon is very happy as he wishes for it to last forever. 

Which of course,  can't.  

“Ji, let's take a selca.” Seungcheol reached for the phone in their side.

“smile baby.” they took a picture together. It has been a while since they did it. After taking a number of shots, Jihoon moved a little to see Seungcheol’s face. His faced he had memorized.

“when did you prepare this?” He asked the boy curiously. Now looking in the boy’s eyes. Phone completly forgotten.  

“earlier this evening. I asked Wonwoo for help. Mingyu cooked.” The boy answered smiling,  wiping out the crumbs that may have left in his face. 

Wonwoo is Seungcheol’s doctor and Seungcheol’s nurse , Mingyu is his boyfriend.  The former is also Seungcheol's junior in med school way back in med school.

“So he let you out knowing your condition?” Jihoon’s brow raised.  
He wanted to hit the couple with his guitar for spoiling Cheol too much. 

How can a doctor let his patient wonder at the twilight?

"You said you missed this. Staying up all night, waiting for the sun to rise. Wishing in the stars. Just like the old times. I want you to be happy.” Seungcheol answered him and he was caught off guard.

It has been days since his breakdown but Seungcheol really did listen well to him.

He always wanted to best of him.  

”did you like it?” The older questioned him.  He nodded.

“I do. I love it, thank you.” he answered Seungcheol not minding the turmoil circulating inside  his head.

“glad to hear that. I will do anything for you Jihoonie.  I love you. remember that.” Seungcheol added.  
A pang on his chest blew hard but he maintain his sangfroid. 

Silence greeted them after Seungcheol rested his head in the younger's shoulder.  Their silent is comfortable but in Jihoon’s head, a lot of thoughts  are killing him.

“Cheol-ah, tell me the truth. Aren’t you getting tired?” Jihoon inquired, swallowing the lump in his lungs.

Of course he does.

He is just the one refraining him to rest.    
He  stiffened.

You shouldn't ask questions you're not ready for an answer.  His heart scolded. 

“why so serious, Ji? C’mon. Sing for me. I have a guitar here. “ Seungcheol requested.

He knew Seungcheol don’t like to push the topic. He knew him too well that sometimes it kills him.

He obliged.  
He get the guitar that was leaning not so far from them and sat beside Seungcheol.

He smiled.

How he love to sing for him.  He knows he would sing if the one's going to listen is Seungcheol even if he lost his voice.  He'll still sing for him. 

He strummed the guitar staring at his favorite set of eyes in the world, Seungcheol’s. 

He started to sing.

“Heart beats fast   
Colors and promises   
How to be brave   
How can I love when I'm afraid   
To fall   
But watching you stand alone   
All of my doubt   
Suddenly goes away somehow”

Seungcheol is staring into his soul. He can feel the love glittering in his eyes as if telling him he's the most beautiful being ever created. The feeling is so overwhelming. 

Jihoon closed his eyes trying to avoid crying.

Tonight, He has decided.

“One step closer   
I have died every day waiting for you   
Darlin' don't be afraid   
I have loved you for a Thousand years   
I'll love you for a Thousand more”   
He swallowed the lump building inside him. He continued to sing even if it is hard for him. His voice become shaky but he still continued.

“Time stands still   
beauty in all she is   
I will be brave   
I will not let anything Take away   
What's standing in front of me   
Every breath,   
Every hour has come to this  
One step closer”  

How he wished time would really froze. So that he can have the love in his life wrapped inside his arms forever.  

”I have died every day   
Waiting for you   
Darlin' don't be afraid   
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
 I'll love you for a Thousand more  
And all along I believed  
 I would find you   
Time has brought Your heart to me  
 I have loved you   
for a Thousand years  
 I'll love you for a Thousand more” 

He opened his eyes to see Seungcheol’s nervously staring at him.

How will he say it?

“What’s with the song choice? Is the sing that touching that you're tearing up?” Seungcheol asked him jokingly. 

Jihoon smiled. A painful one. The kind of smile that says he loves him so much.

The moment he looked at Seungcheol’s eyes speaks volume. The tears that he is holding back comes racing.

“Wh-Why a-are you crying? What’s w-wrong?” Seungcheol asked him reaching for his face. He removed Seuncheol’s hands in his cheeks and settled with just holding him.

He finds his voice and decided to finally speak when he found it.

“Tell me cheol-ah. Honestly. Aren’t you tired?” Jihoon stared at his eyes.

He is trying to read what’s in the other’s mind.

“What kind of question is that?” Seungcheol questioned him annoyed. 

He knew Seungcheol already got the idea that is lingering upon his mind for the past few days or worst months.  

What kind of fate is this? Why is this so painful?

Jihoon didn’t bulge. He stayed quiet contemplating.

“do you want the truth,  Ji? I am. I am tired. Honestly. But I won’t let that exhaustion win over me Jihoon-ah. I have promised you that I will fight right? I am fighting for you. For us. So please.” Seungcheol looked at him with tears and hopeful tone.

Like saying him to leave everything to him.  
Like stopping him for saying things he was about to say.

It made him cry more.

He wants to remain selfish but he loves Cheol so much. 

He gripped the other boy’s hand tightly.

“listen to me Cheol-ah. For the past years that we’re together, you are the strong one. You were my pillar.  You are the one who’s always there for me. You give me light when I needed light. You listened to my bullshits. You love me even though I don’t deserve you. You were there. You are the one who always chooses me even if I don’t choose you. You are the one who carries me when I cant walk. You sacrificed everything even your family just because of me. You are fighting a losing battle just to be with me." He make a quick pause to gather his breath to continue. 

"You are the one who always undergoes hardship just to make me happy. And me, what did I do?  I didn’t even do anything right to deserve you. I am always the selfish one. You made me so happy by just coming in to my life. You gave me hope and you loved me the most. You always do. But now, even for once, I do not want to be selfish. Even for once, I want to do something for you.” He stopped.

He cant continue any longer.  It's too painful and heartbreaking. 

He swallowed hard and sob loudly.    
Why  is it so hard?

He didn’t realized that he is not breathing anymore. He exhaled harshly.

“ssh. Shhh. no, no, no Jihoonie. You deserved me. You deserved every good in this world. No, no. You make me happy and that is enough for me. You are not selfish.  ” He said touching Jihoon’s face and planting kisses in his lips.

He sobbed loudly. 

“Cheol-ah. Everything is messed up. Listen to me,  baby.  I don’t wanna see you struggling just because of me. You give me the reason to live but I don’t want to be selfish. You always do what’s best for me and I know, I know that you are exhausted and you want to rest, but you are thinking of me. I am the only one who’s keeping you to suffer. You want be to be happy so you don’t want to go. You don’t want me to cry and to be lonely when you go. So even if you wanted to let go,  you're forcing yourself to hold on.  But it is okay Cheol. I am going to be okay. “ Jihoon tried his best to smile.

“You ‘re not telling me to go, aren’t you, Jihoonie? You are giving up on us? I thought you love me?” Seungcheol cried hard. Making it more harder for Jihoon.

His voice painfully lingered longer in his ears.

“Seungcheol, I love you so much that’s why I am doing this. I love you so much that I want you to rest because you don’t deserve the pain. I love you to the point that I am telling you to let go. You want me to be happy right? I know you are going to do everything just for me to be happy even if it costs you your life, and when I tell you to do so, because that’s how you love me and it pains me a lot.  You love me so much that you would risk everything for me. You love me so much to resists every shots and pain you receive everyday. And it hurts. Because I cant do anything for you.  I love you. I love you so much Cheol. I am so in love with you that I want you to just end it. To just rest. I need to let you go. I love you so much that I am willing to choose your peace over us. I am willing to wake up everyday without you by my side knowing that you are free from pain. I love you so much that it is so hard to breathe. I love you that I am giving you the freedom you need. “ Jihoon lost all his composure. 

He finally breaks down in front of Seungcheol.

If loving him was this hard, why does it makes my heart flutters?   
Why does letting him go is so hard? I can’t breathe.  
It is too much for me.   
I feel like drowning.  
I feel like dying too but I need to let him go.   
He suffered enough because of me. I can risk my happiness for him.   
I have to.   
He is the best thing that happened to me and I am willing to go through hell just to ease the pain he is feeling.   
I love him so much.  
I love every bit of him and seeing him suffer kills me.   
I have to hurt myself.  
I have to live without him.   
I need to be selfless for his peace.   
He is my everything and I am nothing without him, but I know, I know he deserve better. I’ll give him rest not because He needs it.  
I am giving him rest because that’s how much I love him. 

“Do you really want me to give up? Hoonie-ah? Are you going to be fine if I am not here anymore? There’s no one who will take care of you when I’m gone. Are you sure you want that? Are you going to be happy?” Cheol’s voice is now full of concerned and full of emotions. 

Even now, he gives Cheol worries. And he hated himself for that.

Jihoon’s breathing became heavy.

“I am. I-I Am g-going to be f-fine” Jihoon hardly believed in his self. But he have to. He knew he has to.

“yes” It’s all that he could utter to assure both of them.

“I see. You want me to rest. I will baby. If that's what gonna make you happy. I love you Jihoonie,  Sorry that I made you cry every night because of me. I know you only want the best for me and I am thankful for that. I gave you enough burden and I am so sorry for making this hard for you. I love you so much that I am ready to die for you.“ Seungcheol’s gentle voice lingered in his ears.

Tears started to pour all out again.

 I knew it. I knew it. 

He knows that Seungcheol will do everything he say.

He is the one Seungcheol’s cherished the most.  
Seungcheol loves him so much that it is scary.

“when I go, Do not be afraid to love again Jihioon-ah. I will be okay knowing that you are okay.” Seungcheol grabbed him for a hug which he willingly allowed.

He cried in his arms knowing that it is the best decision.

He knew that he wouldn’t be able to love again.

No one can replace Seungcheol in his heart. No one can take his place.

How can he love again after a great love?  
The type of love that makes him lose his sanity.  
The kind of love that is selfless.  
The one that hurts too much and makes him the happiest at the same time?  
The kind of love that he and Seungcheol have.

They sat down hugging. Waiting for the sun to rise.  
They calm their hearts waiting for something they both can not name.

Cheol rested his head on Jihoon’s shoulder. The latter is still crying.  

The saddest part is letting the one you love the most go and do nothing because it is for the best.

“Ji, what time is it?” Cheol asked him without looking up.

Jihoon reached for the phone beside the blanket and opened it to see the time.

“5:12. “ he answered him putting back the phone down.  
“Jihoonie, the sun will rise soon. Can you sing again?” Seungcheol requested.

Jihoon couldn’t see the other boy’s face for he is leaning in his shoulder.

He submitted. This time, he didn’t use the guitar.    
He just rested his head on Seungcheol’s head and savored every moment. He began to sing.

He knows Seungcheol really loves it when he is singing.

"Kyeoure taeeonan areumdaun dangsineun Nuncheoreom kkaekkeuthan namanui dangsin  
(Born in the winter, this beautiful you, clean like snow, you who belong to me)   
Gyeoure taeeonan sarangseureon dangsineun  
Nuncheoreom malgeun namanui dangsin  
(born in the winter, my lover, clear as snow, you who belongs to me)   
Hajiman bom, yeoreumgwa gaeul, gyeoul Eonjena malgo kkaekkeuthae  
(Regardless whether it’s spring,summer,autumn, or winter, Always clear and clean) "

"I'll always love you Jihoonie-ah. I am happy to be with you. “ He kissed him on the lips.

He now understand forever that moment Seungcheol claimed his lips.   
It tasted forever. 

“Continue” Seungcheol went back to his shoulder and rested in him.

It made him smile.

He closed his eyes and continued singing. Feeling the song. He always sing 'winter child' to Seungcheol when the older can't sleep. And he just feel like singing it, again.

"Gyeoure taeeonan areumdaun dangsineun Nunchereom kkaekkeuthan namanui dangsin  
(born in the winter, this beautiful you, clean like snow, you who belongs to me) "

He stopped singing when he noticed the sky are turning to light blue and pink brushing the indigo.  
 the sun will soon peep it’s way through. 

“Cheol-ah, the sun will rise soon. Look. “ He reached for Seungcheol’s face to see him sleeping.  He slap his face softly to wake him up.

“Cheol-ah, c’mon. The sky is pretty.” Jihoon reached his face. But Seungcheol didn’t respond.

“Cheol-ah, Cheol-ah ya. Wake up. Cheol-ah“ Tears started to pour down from his eyes. 

Jihoon tried to kill his panic.  

He knew it. He knew it would happen. But it still surprising him how soon it was.

He didn’t expect it will happen just after the wonderful night they’ve shared.

He hugged him, eyes still full of tears. 

Why so soon?   Is he too exhausted to go this soon?

 Did he put so much pressure on him? Did he really let Seungcheol suffer? Is he too much?

Seungcheol already left.  

He is grieving but he knows that Seungcheol is now free. He felt sad and happy.  

Seungcheol made him experienced love that is out of this world. Love at its extremes.

Until his last breathe, Seungcheol still chose him.

He still loved him.  
He still made Jihoon happy.  

At that moment, he knows that he will never be the same again without the older.  

He promised himself to to find Seungcheol someday.  
He knew that Seungcheol will wait for him.

When that time comes, he swear to love him more intensely so he wouldn't say he got away. 

He put Seungcheol’s head back on his shoulder.

“Cheol-ah, You are gone too soon. Thank you for everything. You can rest well. I can not promise to be happy without you. We’re done. No more shots, no more meds this time. And no more you." 

" I’ll try my best here to go on a day without you. I know you don’t want to see me cry, I am sorry I couldn’t be strong. Thank you for happening to me. For coming into my life. We will see each other again, and when that time comes, we can love each other without being afraid. When we see each other again, I will do everything to protect you. You don’t have to worry about me. See you baby. “

He leaned for a kiss, letting himself kiss the cold boy’s lips.

I think the love we've shared is new kind of danger.    
Like it tops all the great in the language of greatness.    
It is the kind of love that would always linger even when your gone.  It is like a hex that would always stay even if you stop breathing.    
And i dont regret anything.  Because with you,  danger is another synonym of safety.  Your my comfort and so does my war zone.  

Now that your gone,  i wouldn't love you any less.   
“Wait for me Cheol-ah, wait for me. I love you. Always and Forever.”

And that’s when the sun completely rose.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
He look at the stars with a bottle of champagne in hand.  
He grips the photo so hard, a pool is in his eyes.  
He let it all out, embracing the cold alone.  
He tears himself apart, everytime the twilight comes,    
Just before the dawn.


	2. Fin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because they are always meant to be together.

Jihoon woke up feeling eldrich.  

Everything feels surprisiny light.  

He looked ay the sky,  noticed how surprisingly clean it was with no clouds lurking around.  Just the blue. 

He felt weird but right.

 Last time he checked,  he was at the hospital's rooftop gripping a photo hard,  waiting for the sunrise.  

He looked around the area and noticed he is at the beach.  But he don't remember going to one since Seungcheol died.  He was always just inside his studio or at the memorial park if not on the hospital's rooftop.  

He stood up and his feet walk like it has it's own ability.  

He let himself be dragged.  

The place is too good and the ocean waves are soothing in the ear until it dissipated.  A familiar intrumental filled its loss.  

He followed the sound.  

It sounds so familiar he couldn't help but find where it is coming from.

 Until he stopped.

 The instrument becomes so clear.  It was an instrumental of the song Thousand years.   
heard a very familiar voice. 

"I have died every day, Waiting for you Darlin' don't be afraid   
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more"

It was Seungcheol's voice.  

He was sure it was the older's voice.  

He looked around,  desperate to find the sound until it's completely gone.  

"I have been waiting for you Jihoonie" someone said at his back.  

He turned around and tears started to come out running.  

"Cheol! " he hugged the older too tightly,  afraid he would be gone again. 

"I miss you" he said in between sobs.  Head burried into Seungcheol's chest.  

"I know and so do I.  C'mon,  they're waiting" Cheol held his hand and lead him to walk. 

He didn't ask where.  As long as he is with Seungcheol,  he wouldn't mind being elsewhere. 

They walked the peaceful place until the waves are far from his hearing.  

Jihoon greeted by the sight he couldn't imagine seeing.  

Everyone's wearing white and a smile.  Everyone including his mother who is long dead.  

"Welcome Jihoon-ah.  Seungcheol's waited for too long" his mother said.  

Seungcheol smiled at him without letting ho of his hand. 

Wait. Does that mean he's dead too?  He asked himself.  

He smiled,  happy and contented.  

He thought having Seungcheol in his life would be the best thing he could ever have. But having him in the after life is the best-est. And he couldn't ask for more knowing,  they're always meant to be together.  Living or dead.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo. I was really crying when I did this fic. I'm sorry. I just had to I hate myself too. But at least they are together until the end cause *whsiphers 'Jicheol'* 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this ride of emotions. Comments are highly appreciated too :)
> 
> This is unbetaed so forgive me for grammer errors and spelling errors.


End file.
